I almost wasn’t going to make this an actual blog post, because I wasn’t sure where this would go… But, frankly, this isn’t like other blogs & this crap has been hanging out in my chaotic, crazy brain for far too long. Maybe vomiting it out into my corner of the Web will help me make some sense of it or give me an epiphany or confirm my fears or SOMETHING …
I have been going to bed most nights lately with tears in my eyes. It is all I can do to keep the tears streaming down my face from turning into full-on SOBS.
A blaring alarm clock at the break of dawn, jolting you awake & out of your comfortable mass of blankets on your cozy bed. Stumbling into the bathroom to shower & brush teeth, dressing & all the other necessities of the morning before rushing out the door to commute to jobs in dreary offices. . .
Or is it a “flexible” retail schedule that has your alarm clock going off at various times on different days each week? Yeah. “Flexible.” As if you really have all that much flexibility. . . In retail, the flexibility is for upper management; let’s be real.
Maybe it’s something more back-breaking. . . Something like construction, where you are going to work to sweat your ass off anyway, so you can skip the shower in the morning, saving it for later.
Either way, after a hard day’s work, there’s usually more rushing around to get dinner started. . . Maybe there are children that need to be coaxed into doing homework or chores — or to just not kill each other. . . Then, you might get to sit on your couch for a short while to stare at the television before going back to bed to get up to do it all over again. . .
Last night, the handsome husband & I had a brief conversation, attempting to map out the next six or seven months of our lives. . . There are WAY too many variables right now! LOL. In the midst of this conversation, he stopped & gave me this funky look & said, “It’s too late for you to drop out of school, even if you wanted to! It would dash my hopes of retiring early!” Ha. Ha. Ha.
BUT, even mildly joking like this, there’s still plenty of truth to it. . . The reasons I went back to school aren’t so far off from this, believe it or not!
Now, there are plenty of reasons to decide to pursue a college degree. Many will attend for personal enrichment, to advance their career, or even simply because it is expected. Each of these reasons has crossed my mind over the past several years (and I suppose they have each had some weight in regard to my decision). However, none of these are what tipped the scales so far in favor of college attendance that I could no longer put it off. So, what is it that finally got a thirty-something-year-old up off her rear-end to begin the journey towards earning that piece of paper? Frankly, it is because the handsome husband would do better as a househusband than I do as a housewife.
I’ve been struggling with balance lately. . . & of not feeling “good enough.” I keep high expectations of myself & get extremely upset when I miss them. . . It’s unreasonable. I would never be this upset with anyone else for the “offenses” I am so hard on myself for. . . (It all goes back to needing to quiet the bitch, really. . .) Dammit! Why can’t I just be PERFECT, already? 😉
I have been saying a lot lately that I am a “words & numbers” kind of gal. . . I have a way with words & I remember numbers fairly easily.
I remember how things look when written on the page, rather than spoken aloud. I even communicate better in written form than any other. (Yet, I can translate how I write into how I speak when given the chance to process it properly.)
The same is true for numbers. Formulas & processes are no problem. (It makes some of the mathematical processes seep into my brain astonishingly quick at times.) Yet anything spacial (such as graphing or shapes or even arranging my living room!) can be quite the struggle for me.
I can practically write “novels” when I have a chance to explain something. (This post is the perfect example; it started as a long-winded Facebook status update!) Yet I can just as easily get lost in a budget spreadsheet.
I am an odd duck, I guess. It has been on my mind a lot lately. . . I’ve chosen finance as my major in going back to school, but I could have just as easily chosen English or communications or, more specifically, something having to do with writing. . . I wonder why I chose the way I did? I am not exactly second-guessing my decision. . . But I am analyzing it. Such a curious thing. . . Continue reading “Words & Numbers”→
Thinking about: All the things that I want to accomplish over the next two to three years. I’ve set goals, but they either haven’t been properly documented or haven’t been significant enough to be thoroughly passionate about. Then, I came across Bailey Jean’s 101 in 1001 list & I realized that’s what I should be doing! Don’t they say something about how the best form of flattery is imitation? Or something like that. . . LOL 😉 I have made the commitment to have my list ready by the end of the month or so. 😉
I’ve been feeling a little down lately. . . Not quite in one of my funks yet, but on a downward slope, nonetheless. Ugh. At least I am getting to a point in my life where I can at least recognize that I am slipping, right? (Thankful #1). And, I suppose I should be thankful that my funks (as I like to call my lower points) are not as bad as some you hear about. . . There’s never been a time I have purposefully wanted to harm myself. . . & I have never thought of ending my life. . . I have participated in or initiated some pretty self-destructive behavior of varying degrees at different points in my life — but nothing that would typically be considered downright suicidal. (Thankful #2). Continue reading “How to Turn Your Woes Into Your Thankfuls (TToT #3)”→