I almost wasn’t going to make this an actual blog post, because I wasn’t sure where this would go… But, frankly, this isn’t like other blogs & this crap has been hanging out in my chaotic, crazy brain for far too long. Maybe vomiting it out into my corner of the Web will help me make some sense of it or give me an epiphany or confirm my fears or SOMETHING …
I have been going to bed most nights lately with tears in my eyes. It is all I can do to keep the tears streaming down my face from turning into full-on SOBS.
I’ve made no real attempts at hiding the fact that depression chases me around & pins me down from time to time (probably more frequently than that, but lets not get into the semantics of it at the moment). With all of this “experience” I am getting with being down in the dumps all the time, you’d think I would find a way to work it to my advantage. . . But, no. Unfortunately, that’s not the way it works.
Despite feeling quite melancholy lately, I have an intense desire to be insanely productive, even though I don’t seem to have the proper motivation to go along with that desire. SO, I started with plugging out a TToT post this weekend. Those are always nice because the group of people who participate in that blog hop seem to be some pretty awesome people. The comments are encouraging, in one way or another, & they make me want to continue to share. . . I suppose that’s a good thing.
Through this, I realized that I had an item I could cross off my 101 in 1001 list (making Thanksgiving dinner!), which made me smile. That list is a built-in way to go on auto-pilot when I am in moods such as the one I am finding myself in quite frequently lately. So, I went back over the list & realized there are plenty of things I can get started on.
It all started back on Mothers Day. . . No, probably a few weeks before then. . . I just wasn’t feeling like myself — whatever that is supposed to feel like. Tired all the time & wanting to sleep the day away. Didn’t want to do anything except zone out on the television. Phases of not wanting to eat at all to eating everything in sight. . . Tears for seemingly no reason. Continue reading “It Is What It Is”→
The handsome husband used to joke that it was because I finally got comfortable in our relationship. . . That this is the reason why I started gaining weight. He’s probably right. I do see a correlation there! Continue reading “That Voice in Your Head”→
Lately, I feel as though I have been teetering on a ledge. . . I either want to curl up & fall asleep or I want to attack my surroundings like a maniac. . . Sorting & organizing & cleaning. . . There’s SO much I want to accomplish, but I just don’t feel like I have the energy to bother. There was a glimpse of motivation yesterday morning when I used catching up on one of my favorite television shows as a bribe to myself for getting on my new elliptical-like contraption. . . BUT, it fizzled after little else. . . Ugh. Continue reading “Teetering On a Ledge”→
So. . . I have a little bit of a confession to make. For whatever reason, it makes me feel ashamed to admit this; I am not entirely sure why. . . But it is what it is. It’s a struggle to come up with the right words. . . (Me?! At a shortage of words?! What HAS this world come to??) BUT, maybe I can “paint you a picture” with a few of the events of the past twenty-four hours. . . Continue reading “For This, I Am Grateful”→