In many ways, this week has flown by. The boost in confidence that came my way towards the end of last week helped me throw some of my self-criticism aside enough to just be a little happier this week. (Thankful #1) This is not to say that The Bitch didn’t make an appearance — she did; she always does. . . BUT, it is to say that I was able to put her in the background instead of at the forefront, which is good. Hopefully, I can keep this up & it’ll be smooth sailing for a bit. . .
Mothers Day is always a rough holiday for me. I know I can’t be the only one.
Some take issue with it because their mothers are gone; others take issue because they have tried with all of their might to become mothers, but, for whatever reason, it just has not happened. Still others just didn’t have a mother — or had one that wasn’t exactly loving.
In my case, it is not quite that simple. (Is it ever?)
What contradictions. I am full of them. . .
I crave routine, but I’ll grow bored with it after a short while. . .
I want to go back to work — to contribute to our household, financially — but I have very little desire to go back to retail (what I have the most experience in), now that I have had over a year away from it.
I want to write (blog) more frequently, but I get so stuck in my own head that I can’t find the proper words to share.
I want to write a TToT post — each of the two weeks I’ve missed since my last TToT post, I thought about it more than once — It’s just that I feel like it is the same TToT post damn near every single week. . .
I am sad. I am bored. I have no reason to feel either. The handsome husband wants me to see someone (i.e. some kind of therapist), but I just can’t bring myself to start that tedious search. . . & I am frightened that it’d mean trying medication. (Been there, done that — YEARS ago — & it wasnt pretty.)
Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Just put in the motions & see what happens. Same ol’, same ol’. Day after day.
I cry a lot. Like, I mean, A LOT.
I cry anytime my emotions get overwhelming, it seems — which, like I said, is a lot.
I suppose I should learn (somehow) to look at it as a good thing since it obviously isn’t going to change any time soon. . .
It IS quite frustrating, though. . . On so many levels. . .
Inspiration is a magnificent thing! It comes in so many different forms & is something completely different from one person to the next. It is what compels you to do something. . . It’s what pushes you further along than you ever thought possible, or to pick up & try again after you’ve been knocked down for what seems like one too many times. It’s what gives you the energy to brainstorm that great idea & what gives you hope & the smile on your face.
For me, inspiration comes in the form of how I feel when I’ve done something well or accomplished something I’ve set my mind to & worked my ass off for. That feeling is one of the most wonderful things & it has the power to keep me floating along a path to more good things (when I keep The Bitch from ruining it, that is!). But, mostly, my inspiration comes from the people around me. . . Let me explain.
When life starts to seem over-bearing, mundane, or just downright too difficult, it is helpful to pause & remember all of the blessings that are present, but sometimes overlooked. One of my favorite sayings is “What you think about, you bring about.” (I don’t remember where I heard that first? Mary Kay, maybe?) Anyway, I firmly believe it is true. . . Whatever you let take over your thoughts will eventually manifest itself in your life. . .
“I can’t do anything right!” Well, eventually, you won’t!
“Today’s going to be just as bad of a day as yesterday. . . Why should I bother?!” Well, with thoughts like that, of course you’re not going to have a good day!
“I am not a domestic person.” This is one I tell myself a lot — & while, to some extent, it is true, I am limiting myself by putting this thought in my brain so frequently. . .
If you had someone following you around, whispering in your ear all the same things you tell yourself on a daily basis, would you let that person keep following you around? I’d think not! So why do we allow it of ourselves? Continue reading “Ten Things of Thankful”
Life is hard. It is messy & intense & crazy. . . & beautiful & downright magical. All you have to do is look around to find some of its magic. . .
Yesterday, as the handsome husband I were having a little chat, we came to a realization. . . There are so many little things that just added up into this perfect, magically BLESSED moment.
Let me attempt to explain: