Is it a Rock & a Hard Place?

I don’t feel like ME lately …

I almost wasn’t going to make this an actual blog post, because I wasn’t sure where this would go… But, frankly, this isn’t like other blogs & this crap has been hanging out in my chaotic, crazy brain for far too long. Maybe vomiting it out into my corner of the Web will help me make some sense of it or give me an epiphany or confirm my fears or SOMETHING …

I have been going to bed most nights lately with tears in my eyes. It is all I can do to keep the tears streaming down my face from turning into full-on SOBS.

Continue reading “Is it a Rock & a Hard Place?”

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Teetering On a Ledge

Lately, I feel as though I have been teetering on a ledge. . . I either want to curl up & fall asleep or I want to attack my surroundings like a maniac. . . Sorting & organizing & cleaning. . . There’s SO much I want to accomplish, but I just don’t feel like I have the energy to bother. There was a glimpse of motivation yesterday morning when I used catching up on one of my favorite television shows as a bribe to myself for getting on my new elliptical-like contraption. . . BUT, it fizzled after little else. . . Ugh.  Continue reading “Teetering On a Ledge”

Here Comes the Funk

I get hit HARD with depression every single year & it lasts through much of the fall & winter. My husband has started calling it my “funk” & I think it’s quite funny – sad that I know it’s coming or has arrived, yet can’t seem to do much about it; but funny, nonetheless, that we can at least joke about it.

I have a hard time REALLY enjoying things. . . My usual introverted, homebody nature is magnified AT LEAST times ten & I call & go see friends & family even less than usual. . . I go to bed really early, sleep for what seems like FOREVER & still wake up feeling tired & unmotivated. I cry at the drop of a hat — many times over something that I really only find MILDLY irritating. Honestly, I am SO aware of this in myself that it is downright EMBARRASSING that, at nearly 32-years-old, I still cannot control my emotions. On the flip side, I know it is a legitimate ailment & that I have nothing to be ashamed of, as long as I am not letting it completely consume me.  Continue reading “Here Comes the Funk”