I almost wasn’t going to make this an actual blog post, because I wasn’t sure where this would go… But, frankly, this isn’t like other blogs & this crap has been hanging out in my chaotic, crazy brain for far too long. Maybe vomiting it out into my corner of the Web will help me make some sense of it or give me an epiphany or confirm my fears or SOMETHING …
I have been going to bed most nights lately with tears in my eyes. It is all I can do to keep the tears streaming down my face from turning into full-on SOBS.
Last night, the handsome husband & I had a brief conversation, attempting to map out the next six or seven months of our lives. . . There are WAY too many variables right now! LOL. In the midst of this conversation, he stopped & gave me this funky look & said, “It’s too late for you to drop out of school, even if you wanted to! It would dash my hopes of retiring early!” Ha. Ha. Ha.
BUT, even mildly joking like this, there’s still plenty of truth to it. . . The reasons I went back to school aren’t so far off from this, believe it or not!
Now, there are plenty of reasons to decide to pursue a college degree. Many will attend for personal enrichment, to advance their career, or even simply because it is expected. Each of these reasons has crossed my mind over the past several years (and I suppose they have each had some weight in regard to my decision). However, none of these are what tipped the scales so far in favor of college attendance that I could no longer put it off. So, what is it that finally got a thirty-something-year-old up off her rear-end to begin the journey towards earning that piece of paper? Frankly, it is because the handsome husband would do better as a househusband than I do as a housewife.
I’ve been struggling with balance lately. . . & of not feeling “good enough.” I keep high expectations of myself & get extremely upset when I miss them. . . It’s unreasonable. I would never be this upset with anyone else for the “offenses” I am so hard on myself for. . . (It all goes back to needing to quiet the bitch, really. . .) Dammit! Why can’t I just be PERFECT, already? 😉
I’ve finished this sentence in so many ways over the years. . .
I remember there being a time when I wanted to be a singer or musician (I played French Horn & Clarinet in middle & high school). That dream was dashed when I realized the impracticality of it all. What were the odds that something like that would work out? And, if it did, what were the odds that I would really make it big? Odds were, I would barely make enough to survive! Continue reading “Music, Dumbasses, Dishonesty, & Numbers”→
SO…. I went & did something. It’s quite a bit back-asswards. I won’t lie… I am a bit in shock that I did it. I am relieved, excited, & extremely anxious & nervous now as a result. I am not sure yet if I am ready for the world to know, because I am also almost ashamed that I did it because it is far from a “responsible” thing to do… I thought my BF would be upset with me, but, apparently, he knew it was coming & swears he supports my decision fully. Continue reading “How’s THAT for some Calculated Chaos?”→
I have never been one for New Year Resolutions, but this year, I might make an exception, because there are a few things at the forefront of my mind that I simply cannot ignore: Continue reading “New Year Exception?”→