Ridiculousness

Hurry up & wait. . .

Run to class, wait for it to get over because it’s something boring that could have been done in half the time if instructors didn’t insist on hand-holding. . .  Rush home & get food made, just to feel the let down when it’s time for the handsome husband to jet off to work.

Boring, lonely evenings at home. With the dog. Who isn’t enough company, no matter what people try to say about the joy of dogs. . . It might all be true, but he’s still a dog.

The handsome husband finally gets home, but as I am waking up, he is needing to go to sleep. Again, I am by myself. He might be home, but he is unavailable. . . Not able to really be present.

Then, he is waking up, but I am too tired to stay up with him. So, I go to bed by myself, cursing that I am tired because he is awake. Then, again, I wake up as he is going to sleep. . .

It’s a vicious cycle. . . I’m sick of it. It’s no one’s fault, necessarily. But I am just done.

I’ve cried entirely too many tears over loneliness. It’s ridiculous.

Ridiculousness of loneliness (Image from morgueFile.com)
Ridiculousness of loneliness (Image from morgueFile.com)

Continue reading “Ridiculousness”

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How to Strike a ‘Happy Medium’

I’ve been tempted to say that I am getting overwhelmed lately. . .

But I am not entirely sure that would be 100% truthful. . .

I think it’s more that I get behind on what I know I should be doing. . .

There really IS enough time to get through everything I want to get through. . . & I can see the path to get there.

Where it is tempting to say that it is overwhelming is only when I allow myself to get distracted. . . Or when I cut things too close to a deadline  (whether real or arbitrary) & I didn’t give myself a back-up plan to still get things done the way I wanted to.

It is a delicate balancing act. Sometimes, it’s more cerebral than tangible. . .  Continue reading “How to Strike a ‘Happy Medium’”

Appreciating the Little Things (TToT #4)

I don’t know about y’all, but it’s been a pretty fabulous week in my world. . .

Even though I had to say goodbye to my Little RJ on Monday (& won’t get to see him in person for another three months or so), I am still super grateful that I got the chance to spend some time with him this summer. (Thankful #1) (I don’t have that luxury with my oldest son — long story. Perhaps I will get into it another time. . . Then again, perhaps not. We’ll see.)

On Tuesday, I very nervously went to my first day of face-to-face classes at the local community college! It is a beautiful thing to be able to “start over” 15 years after leaving high school, huh? (Thankful #2) My mother fell ill the end of my junior year of high school & at the beginning of my senior year, I transferred to our district’s alternative high school, which screwed up any hopes I had of going straight to a four-year university after high school. My mother passed away half-way through my senior year & I barely graduated on time. I attempted classes at the local community college that next fall, but I had not allowed myself to properly grieve & wound up doing a hardship withdrawal. There’s been a stint at a career school (which I left around the time I found out I was pregnant & it was closed down just a couple of months later) & an attempt through a for-profit online school (but I was also single, working full-time with an infant at home & I over-extended myself). The third time’s a charm, right? This time around, I have the support of a loving (handsome) husband & the added confidence that comes with 15 years of some major ups & downs. It feels good. Continue reading “Appreciating the Little Things (TToT #4)”

On Purpose: Episode Six

As usual, if you need to clue into what this “On Purpose” series is all about, click here to read the introductory post.

On Purpose

 

In quite the contrast to last week, I am feeling quite accomplished this week.

By the time I got round to finishing getting the spare room cleaned out, the handsome husband had already done it. I am not sure if he was sick of waiting for me to do it or if he was just trying to pick up some of the slack since I need to adjust to my school & homework schedule. . . Either way, it was greatly appreciated. I know how lucky I am to have him; I love him so much.  Continue reading “On Purpose: Episode Six”