I almost wasn’t going to make this an actual blog post, because I wasn’t sure where this would go… But, frankly, this isn’t like other blogs & this crap has been hanging out in my chaotic, crazy brain for far too long. Maybe vomiting it out into my corner of the Web will help me make some sense of it or give me an epiphany or confirm my fears or SOMETHING …
I have been going to bed most nights lately with tears in my eyes. It is all I can do to keep the tears streaming down my face from turning into full-on SOBS.
I’ve made no real attempts at hiding the fact that depression chases me around & pins me down from time to time (probably more frequently than that, but lets not get into the semantics of it at the moment). With all of this “experience” I am getting with being down in the dumps all the time, you’d think I would find a way to work it to my advantage. . . But, no. Unfortunately, that’s not the way it works.
I know I’ve mentioned a few times that one of the things I am working on is getting rid of the over-abundance of negative self-talk that I allow to run rampant in my brain. It is not only something that I believe is important for me to be working on, but also many others out there — men & women alike. It is shocking how often & how quickly I can turn on myself even after a seemingly small slip-up!
Take into consideration for a moment this scenario: I have committed to this Blog-tember challenge, mostly for the consistency in writing & posting, getting my thoughts out of my brain & into my little corner of the Internet here. Yet, I wound up skipping yesterday’s post, (which I was quite looking forward to! It was in regard to personality types. I think I will revisit that prompt in the future! LOL). The negative self-talk started as a whisper with that. . . Quiet, but persistent. Continue reading “Attempting to Quiet The Bitch”→
It all started back on Mothers Day. . . No, probably a few weeks before then. . . I just wasn’t feeling like myself — whatever that is supposed to feel like. Tired all the time & wanting to sleep the day away. Didn’t want to do anything except zone out on the television. Phases of not wanting to eat at all to eating everything in sight. . . Tears for seemingly no reason. Continue reading “It Is What It Is”→
As I wrote about how pregnancy is not beautiful, I knew that I would, inevitably, have to write a follow-up post soon after. Do not get me wrong. I believe every word of what was written. I feel everything that was talked about there. BUT, I do also think there is room for further discussion — if for no other reason than to satisfy my own desire to show “the other side of the coin.”
I suspect, as with anything that you’re not supposed to say, there’s a certain amount of controversy that can arise. I was horribly aware of this as I hit the button to publish that post. This isn’t necessarily to say that all of these things were brought to my attention. . . But, whether brought up by others or my own subconscious, there were a few questions or issues that I felt compelled to address. . . Continue reading “Nothing Can Compare”→
Recently, I had a falling out (of sorts) with someone I deeply care about. . . Things are strained between us — & that’s putting it mildly. The other party has recently eased into small interactions. . . But I just cannot let things go so easily this time. I really feel that an acknowledgement of what has transpired is more than reasonable to expect — as is an apology. Unfortunately, I think pigs will fly before the apology comes, but that’s not to say that I think an acknowledgement will come either — at least not without finger-pointing, rather than personal responsibility. That’s the sad part. Continue reading “Will Pigs Actually Fly?”→
He was the first one to REALLY steal my heart & I love him SO MUCH to this day. . . Furthermore, my husband is TOTALLY okay with this. This boy is into Magic cards & plays the clarinet in both a concert band AND a jazz band. He has a quirky sense of humor & loves to read. Continue reading “So, There’s This Boy. . .”→