Long-Lasting Grief, Cherished Traditions

Watching television today, there was actually a commercial about Thanksgiving already! O.M.G. We aren’t even to the half-way mark of September yet, for God’s sake! What is this?! I know I say it every year, but it is true every year — The holiday advertisements come earlier & earlier!

I am not a huge fan of the holiday season. I think I want to be. But I am not. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my mother passed away in January, spending her last holiday season hooked up to a ventilator in the hospital. I was at a pretty pivotal age in life (I had just turned 17), so perhaps it had more of a lasting effect than I’d care to admit. There are a lot of traditions & memories tied up in that time of year from Thanksgiving through Valentines Day or so. . . My mother’s birthday is in the beginning of February, otherwise, maybe I’d call it sooner.

Trying to set aside all of the negative things that come to mind. . . & trying to set aside the happy things that make me cry because I miss them (& my mom) so damn much,  there are two traditions of the holiday season that I have never turned sour towards. Continue reading “Long-Lasting Grief, Cherished Traditions”


Family: The Good. The Bad. The Ugly. (TToT #2)

Twenty-four years ago (on August 16) — exactly three months before my ninth birthday, my baby brother was born! (Happy birthday, Ron!) I have a hard time picturing him as the young man that he is. . . In my eyes, he is still the eight-year-old boy that he was when I left home after our mother died. I am thankful that God saw to it that our mother helped him into the world just eight short years before she passed (Thankful #1). He has been a blessing (& a burden! ha ha) in my life & I wouldn’t trade him for anything!

An old pic of the little bro. About 4 years ago.

Continue reading “Family: The Good. The Bad. The Ugly. (TToT #2)”

Magic in Our Lives

Life is hard. It is messy & intense & crazy. . . & beautiful & downright magical. All you have to do is look around to find some of its magic. . .

Yesterday, as the handsome husband I were having a little chat, we came to a realization. . . There are so many little things that just added up into this perfect, magically BLESSED moment.

Let me attempt to explain:

Continue reading “Magic in Our Lives”

God Will Decide

The handsome husband & I got married just shy of a year ago. . . (Trying to decide what we’d like to do for our one-year anniversary is an entirely different subject!) Although, he says it was never a “deal-breaker” in our relationship, I always knew he wanted to be a daddy. . . Don’t get me wrong; he more than claims his two step-sons & prides himself on getting to help mold them into respectful young men, but I want him to be able to experience having a biological child of his own as well. Furthermore, I would love to be the mother of his child. . .

The handsome husband & I (about a year before we got married)
The handsome husband & I (about a year before we got married)


Continue reading “God Will Decide”

Drool-Worthy Homemade Beef Tamales

These turned out so mouth-watering delicious that it borders upon ridiculousness. Seriously!

It all started the day before when I made the shredded beef concoction that was to die for. . . I pulled it out of the refrigerator & couldn’t resist adding a splash of beef broth & a few dashes of hot sauce to it while I heated it up a touch — on low — on the stove.

While the beef got rid of its refrigerator chill, I poured myself a CoronaRita, soaked my corn husks in a bowl of hot water in the sink (to make sure they wouldn’t tear), & began mixing my masa: Continue reading “Drool-Worthy Homemade Beef Tamales”

Here Comes the Funk

I get hit HARD with depression every single year & it lasts through much of the fall & winter. My husband has started calling it my “funk” & I think it’s quite funny – sad that I know it’s coming or has arrived, yet can’t seem to do much about it; but funny, nonetheless, that we can at least joke about it.

I have a hard time REALLY enjoying things. . . My usual introverted, homebody nature is magnified AT LEAST times ten & I call & go see friends & family even less than usual. . . I go to bed really early, sleep for what seems like FOREVER & still wake up feeling tired & unmotivated. I cry at the drop of a hat — many times over something that I really only find MILDLY irritating. Honestly, I am SO aware of this in myself that it is downright EMBARRASSING that, at nearly 32-years-old, I still cannot control my emotions. On the flip side, I know it is a legitimate ailment & that I have nothing to be ashamed of, as long as I am not letting it completely consume me.  Continue reading “Here Comes the Funk”