I almost wasn’t going to make this an actual blog post, because I wasn’t sure where this would go… But, frankly, this isn’t like other blogs & this crap has been hanging out in my chaotic, crazy brain for far too long. Maybe vomiting it out into my corner of the Web will help me make some sense of it or give me an epiphany or confirm my fears or SOMETHING …
I have been going to bed most nights lately with tears in my eyes. It is all I can do to keep the tears streaming down my face from turning into full-on SOBS.
There is something to be said for making a plan, then setting it into motion. . . BUT, there are some serious results to be seen by just diving in & DOING. The former runs the risk of getting too caught up on the planning; the latter runs the risk of having to back-track because of being blind-sided. . . It seems to me, the most ideal situation would put you somewhere in between. . .
I am seeing what, apparently, the handsome husband has been seeing for a while. . . Maybe it’s just that time of year, but I obviously have my depression crap to deal with again. . .
My hang-up isn’t necessarily that I don’t want to get help — it is that I’ve tried it & it didn’t work in the past. . . So, I am thinking, what do I need to get straight in my head to try again — particularly since he’s made it clear it’s what he thinks I should do. . . ?
Last night, the handsome husband & I had a brief conversation, attempting to map out the next six or seven months of our lives. . . There are WAY too many variables right now! LOL. In the midst of this conversation, he stopped & gave me this funky look & said, “It’s too late for you to drop out of school, even if you wanted to! It would dash my hopes of retiring early!” Ha. Ha. Ha.
BUT, even mildly joking like this, there’s still plenty of truth to it. . . The reasons I went back to school aren’t so far off from this, believe it or not!
Now, there are plenty of reasons to decide to pursue a college degree. Many will attend for personal enrichment, to advance their career, or even simply because it is expected. Each of these reasons has crossed my mind over the past several years (and I suppose they have each had some weight in regard to my decision). However, none of these are what tipped the scales so far in favor of college attendance that I could no longer put it off. So, what is it that finally got a thirty-something-year-old up off her rear-end to begin the journey towards earning that piece of paper? Frankly, it is because the handsome husband would do better as a househusband than I do as a housewife.
I have been saying a lot lately that I am a “words & numbers” kind of gal. . . I have a way with words & I remember numbers fairly easily.
I remember how things look when written on the page, rather than spoken aloud. I even communicate better in written form than any other. (Yet, I can translate how I write into how I speak when given the chance to process it properly.)
The same is true for numbers. Formulas & processes are no problem. (It makes some of the mathematical processes seep into my brain astonishingly quick at times.) Yet anything spacial (such as graphing or shapes or even arranging my living room!) can be quite the struggle for me.
I can practically write “novels” when I have a chance to explain something. (This post is the perfect example; it started as a long-winded Facebook status update!) Yet I can just as easily get lost in a budget spreadsheet.
I am an odd duck, I guess. It has been on my mind a lot lately. . . I’ve chosen finance as my major in going back to school, but I could have just as easily chosen English or communications or, more specifically, something having to do with writing. . . I wonder why I chose the way I did? I am not exactly second-guessing my decision. . . But I am analyzing it. Such a curious thing. . . Continue reading “Words & Numbers”→