It started a couple of weeks ago… I woke up distraught & in tears over a dream. It wasn’t the first vivid pregnancy dream I’ve had so far this pregnancy, but it WAS the first that was disturbing & angst-ridden.
I have been a bit withdrawn lately. . . I think about trying to socialize more — in the blogosphere, reaching out to some local friends, making a call to my friends back home (in Washington) — but, I just don’t have the
desire energy to deal with it. That sounds bitchy, but I swear it’s not. Maybe I’ll talk more about that another time. . .
Holy cow! I have been having some seriously CRAZY dreams lately!
This is even more interesting because, even though I suspect that I must dream, I could count on one hand the times I could remember anything about my dreams. . .
Watching television today, there was actually a commercial about Thanksgiving already! O.M.G. We aren’t even to the half-way mark of September yet, for God’s sake! What is this?! I know I say it every year, but it is true every year — The holiday advertisements come earlier & earlier!
I am not a huge fan of the holiday season. I think I want to be. But I am not. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my mother passed away in January, spending her last holiday season hooked up to a ventilator in the hospital. I was at a pretty pivotal age in life (I had just turned 17), so perhaps it had more of a lasting effect than I’d care to admit. There are a lot of traditions & memories tied up in that time of year from Thanksgiving through Valentines Day or so. . . My mother’s birthday is in the beginning of February, otherwise, maybe I’d call it sooner.
Trying to set aside all of the negative things that come to mind. . . & trying to set aside the happy things that make me cry because I miss them (& my mom) so damn much, there are two traditions of the holiday season that I have never turned sour towards. Continue reading “Long-Lasting Grief, Cherished Traditions”