She used to be a confidant, a drinking partner, a shoulder to cry on — one of my best friends.
Now, I look at her & roll my eyes because all I can see is her selfishness, evident in the way she blatantly bulldozed through boundaries I had clearly set, (& by the carefully constructed social media updates, designed to evoke sympathy or envy or understanding, despite being only a small fraction of the actual truth).
It’s been way too long… As a result, I have all kinds of nonsense built up in my brain. You’d think I would practice what I preach & write more often to prevent this from happening, but it is just not that simple, it seems. There are numerous insecurities that come into play… & a struggle to prioritize… &, well, just plain ol’ not feeling like it… But, then again, I don’t feel like doing much on a lot of days, so, yeah…
Anyway, because it has been so long, there’s a lot I want to get out. I won’t promise any kind of cohesiveness today. All I will promise is sincerity & good ol’ brain dump. Maybe I will even get to tie my thoughts into a Ten Things of Thankful post by the time I’m done. We shall see… (I did it! Thankful #1)
It started a couple of weeks ago… I woke up distraught & in tears over a dream. It wasn’t the first vivid pregnancy dream I’ve had so far this pregnancy, but it WAS the first that was disturbing & angst-ridden.