It’s been a while… I feel like I never have time.. But, really, it is that I set my expectations for each post higher than it needs to be… I’ll be honest: I write with an audience in mind, sure… My audience is mostly friends & family who like to get updates, with some blogging friends I have made along the way… & there’s an intended audience of those random people out there who just happen to go through similar things as me, who I hope to give hope or insight or just let them know they’re not alone… But, in the end, I write for ME. I write because I feel better when I do… & because it is fun… & because I enjoy the connection & the release… It helps me calm the chaos of my mind. (Thankful #1)
So, with all of that said, I figured I’d sit & write whatever flows out of my head today… & why not make it part of two of my favorite blog hops: Ten Things of Thankful & Finish the Sentence Friday? 😉 I have much for which to be thankful, after all, & all of these things have a ripple effect, flowing into other parts of my life & affecting those I love.
I finished last semester of college with an okay GPA, but I failed one of my four classes. That hit me pretty hard, considering the 4.0 overall GPA I had prior to that… BUT, I have come to terms with it… (Thankful #2) Frankly, I am still damn proud. I managed to pass three classes, maintain an overall honor student status, AND I had a beautiful baby girl during that semester! (Thankful #3) I’d say I am doing okay.
My eleven-year-old son has been down visiting for the past several weeks & I am so blessed to get this time with him. He is such a helper when he is here & it is so rewarding to see him interact with his sister. (Thankful #4) He leaves to head back to Washington State on Wednesday. I will miss him dearly. BUT, I have to admit, it will be nice to not have to worry about the modesty of having an eleven-year-old boy around the house! (Hello, underclothes! Haha.) (Thankful #5)
Speaking of clothes: A couple of months ago, I was introduced to a company called LuLaRoe. (Thankful #6) I ordered a couple of pairs of leggings & a top from a consultant during an online pop-up boutique hosted by a fellow February mama friend of mine. I figured it couldn’t hurt… I had been in such a clothing rut — & an overall self-esteem rut… I spent more days in my pajamas than not… &, while there isn’t anything wrong with that from time to time, I do not have the personality type for that to be okay. It is a sign that I am hurting, that my head isn’t in the right place. Those couple of pairs of leggings & top turned into pretty much a new wardrobe! Ouch for the budget, but hooray for the self-esteem! I actually take selfies! I can’t remember my last pajama day, yet I am comfortable… It’s a beautiful thing. I am considering starting a business selling the stuff, even. It’s a big decision, though, so I am talking it over with the handsome husband. We will see.
College classes start back up in just over four weeks. I called my college to find out about a comfortable & at least semi-private place to pump while I am on campus (two days per week) since I will still be breastfeeding our beautiful daughter. I was delighted to find out they have a lactation room! (Thankful #7) The woman who runs it is currently on vacation, but I now have her name & call back number to be able to arrange to reserve the space & time I need for fall semester. I am SO pleased this kind of thing exists! It makes being a mom & student a little easier.
I started seeing both a psychiatrist & a psychologist back in February, just after our beautiful daughter was born. I think it has been a good call. (Thankful #8) The psychiatrist has helped me make sure I am physically okay… My Vitamin D levels were severely low, so I started that & there is a certain type of Vitamin B that is a mood stabilizer & safe (if not beneficial) to take while breastfeeding, so she has started me on those.
The psychologist is great for talk therapy. I started out seeing her once per week & have now moved to every other week. I don’t think I would see either of them if I didn’t see a noticeable difference in my day-to-day — & if the handsome husband didn’t say so too. So I am glad it all seems to be helping — & without any real medication (except the vitamin supplements)! (Thankful #9)
This is all particularly important because I was also, around the same time, officially diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. It isn’t quite what the mainstream thinks of when they hear “bipolar,” but it is still important. I am sure I will talk more about the specifics of what it means another time, BUT, in a nutshell, for now, just know it is good to have an answer… & it explains why “depression” medication & treatments haven’t worked for me in the past… (Thankful #10) They are related, but they are not the same.
Here’s to progress… & self-care. I am learning to care for myself better — & that helps me care for those I love better too… & that is beautiful.
What have you been doing to take better care of yourself?