A Rainbow in Even the Darkest of Clouds

I will be honest; I wasn’t going to write anything for Ten Things of Thankful. Again. Ugh. BUT, then I remembered that this week marks the 100th week! So, I should probably pull my crap together to be a part of it, eh? 😉

I am grateful Ten Things of Thankful exists. (Thankful #1) I might not participate as often as I would like or as often as I really should, but it is a nudge in the right direction when my thoughts get too gloomy. Heck! Even when I don’t participate, knowing it is out there has me thinking about what I would write if I wasn’t so caught up in my own thoughts to the point where I can’t untangle the mess enough to create a post. The reminder to be thankful sometimes is enough.

Rainbow in Clouds

I am grateful I have such an understanding & loving husband. (Thankful #2) I know I say this all the time, but it remains to be true. I am a hot mess. It’d be so easy to just throw his hands up in the air & leave. I have some pretty sour moods. . . & I am lazy. . . & I cry way too much. Yet, somehow, he handles it all with grace, in a way that usually doesn’t make me feel even more like shit than I already do. I am sorry, but that is not something to be taken lightly.

I finished my first year out of an anticipated five years of college towards my bachelors degree! (Thankful #3) PLUS, final grades were posted a few days ago & I maintained a 4.0! (Thankful #4) I am in a bit of shock; I must admit. I would say I am proud of myself, but I don’t think I quite am. I want to be, though. So, I will keep trying.

I am taking the summer off from classes. (Thankful #5) I feel a mixture of relief and fear thinking about it. I like having school work to occupy my mind. I feel like it goes off on its own — to places I wish it wouldn’t — when I let it roam too much. But, overall, I think it is healthy for me to take this break. It will give me a chance to write more, whether it is on Calculated Chaos or as a fictional piece that I can’t seem to quite get going.

The handsome husband & I celebrate our second wedding anniversary on Tuesday. (Thankful #6) In many ways, it seems like it should be more than our second; I just feel like we’ve been through a lot together. There is something comforting about another year passing with him by my side. There is so much hurt & animosity in the world. Divorce & name-calling. I don’t understand it. . . & I hope I never have to. He is my soul-mate. I probably would have argued against their existence until I met mine. You can call me a sap all you want. God made him for me; there is no other explanation about just how perfectly he meshes with me & nearly everything about me. I have no doubts about that. (Thankful #7)

I was debating about even bringing this up, but it has been on my mind entirely too much, so I might as well. . . Another reason I am glad our anniversary is nearly here is because last year, on our first anniversary, we ended the night with the handsome husband rushing me to the local emergency room because I was bleeding much more than could be explained away by a woman who was supposed to be over nine-weeks pregnant. Yep. It was the night of our first anniversary that we found out we were miscarrying. It will be nice to celebrate us without that having to be associated with our anniversary any more, I think. (Thankful #8) I just really want it to be all the way in our past, ya know?

With that said, I am grateful for the day to come & go because I am a Facebook junkie. There is this app called “On This Day.” Usually, it is pretty neat; it shows what you posted (or what others tagged you in) on this day one, two , three, four, five years ago or more. It’s quite fun — most of the time. Lately, though, it has been showing me posts about funny pregnancy food cravings & shit I would just rather not be reminded of right now. I don’t recall if I posted anything about the miscarriage, other than to say we were no longer expecting. . . & I don’t remember how long it took me to say so. . . But, I am looking forward to that day coming & going so that I don’t have to deal with it for the rest of the year. (Thankful #9) It might be a little silly, but it is true.

*Sigh*

Our trip to Washington is just over six weeks away. The handsome husband & I both need it. We are very much looking forward to catching up with family & close friends. It will be a whirlwind trip & I fear it will be over way too soon, but I am so excited to get to have that time. (Thankful #10)

What are you thankful for this week? Go here to see what our host Lizzi has to say about this 100th week, then at the bottom of the post, you can click to see what others are thankful for too.

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5 thoughts on “A Rainbow in Even the Darkest of Clouds

  1. I lost my baby too near right after the New Year 11 years ago. It is in ache in my soul, but I know my baby is in heaven playing with his grandfather. I can smile thinking about it now. My father died in 1999. He only had one grandson at the time from my sister. Eleven years ago, we both lost babies. I guess he was lonely up there for little grandkids. I can’t wait to meet them. Just imagining this eased my pain a lot through the years. I hope it can help you too some how.

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  2. I find the same as you – having the possibility of joining the TToT link up forces you to see the good things as they are happening. Life may not be all about unicorns farting glitter, but there are always good moments.

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    1. Congratulations on your anniversary, and on being able to actually celebrate this year. It’s rough when sad events coincide with what should be a happy occasion. I had a similar (but not the same) thing happen one Thanksgiving weekend, and the first Thanksgiving after was kind of tough, but it got easier as the years went on. I imagine that with time, the pain will not be as raw for you, either.

      Congrats also on your 4.0! Way to go!

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  3. Congratulations on your 4.0! What a great accomplishment; you SHOULD be proud of yourself.
    Happy anniversary! I remember wondering if I were ever going to find “the one”, and when I did, I knew it IMMEDIATELY, and so did he. So yes, I think there’s something to that soul mate thing!

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